the last day of summer here today (officially)
i remember the first day of this summer: we went to the beach and my young daughter had her feet dipped in the ocean for the first time.

i'm not sad to see summer end, or nearly end ... it's been kinda mild by brisbane standards; but i reckon there's one more hot speel left in this one before it finishes. maybe an indian summer?

anyhow, roll on autumn - my favourite months of the year, season-wise (in brisbane), are approaching! the sunlight starts to shine down at a more mellow angle, and without the same blistering intensity ;-D


oh yeah - i flew to a different city last weekend for a quick,24-hour visit to see my new nephew! that's right - my younger sister (my only sibling) had her first baby a couple of weeks ago. all are doing well, and i'm very happy for them. we're all going back to see them next weekend for a 5-night stay; i'll need to call in sick at work on friday & monday! ;-D

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sometime over the next 3-5 years i think i'm going to change gears in life ... i'll take on a less intense job, perhaps part-time, and appreciate things like the clouds a lot more frequently. i'll wander along beaches, picking up bottle-caps that have drifted across on the pacific ocean from new caledonia. i'll get to cook more often & more dishes, and paint with vivid colours. i'll learn to play piano and/or the saxophone, and do some fishing from time to time. i'll sketch portraits & caricatures with charcoal, and grow cherry tomatoes and papaya. i won't evaluate most things and will be more mindful & aware. although these events won't advance my career or be considered sound from an economic perspective, they will benefit our family

please - remind me to do such things in due course, in case i lose sight of these goals ;-D

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"So you think that you're a failure, do you? Well, you probably are. What's wrong with that? In the first place, if you've any sense at all you must have learned by now that we pay just as dearly for our triumphs as we do for our defeats. Go ahead and fail. But fail with wit, fail with grace, fail with style. A mediocre failure is as insufferable as a mediocre success."

"Embrace failure! Seek it out. Learn to love it. That may be the only way any of us will ever be free."

- tom robbins, in 'even cowgirls get the blues'

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this is our beautiful little baby daughter, who is HALF A YEAR OLD TODAY! wow - six months already ... ;-D



and the following pic is primarily for Awaiting: it's part of the Auckland CBD, taken from my hotel room. that tower in the top left is the sky tower which has become the characteristic 'signature' for the auckland skyline (just like the space needle thing for seattle, centrepoint tower for sydney, etc.):




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Once, at Giza on the outskirts of Cairo, a seedy-looking Egyptian with sunglasses & a moustache offered to take me to the top of one of the great pyramids at night;
And smoke hashish, and watch the sound & light show on the sphinx.
He said he was one of the security guards there, no problem.
I didn’t take him up on his interesting & unique offer. Wonder what would have happened if I did?

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had a good, and busy, trip to auckland, new zealand ... although i was there for no more than 48 hours this time! i enjoy going over there - been there numerous times now and am getting more & more familiar with the place with each visit. it's an interesting city which, although similar to some australian capital cities in some respects, also has it's own unique vibe. it's home to the largest polynesian population in the world and has a steadily-increasing asian population too. there is lots of water surrounding the city - harbours, beaches, inlets, rivers; and a lot of large volcanic mounds / hills around the place too. anyhow, further description is beyond me right now - it was a good change of scene for a few days and i look forward to going again (probably later this year), but it is also fine to be back.

more later

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i was mostly fairly down, and quite numb, for a few days there; and being a little hungover & behind on sleep on thursday didn't help at all. but by yesterday (friday), after a good night's sleep, i was ok again. it happens. i think i'm back in the race again - even if it is a race to nowhere, or without end?

anyhow ... 10 years ago i was mid-way into a 6-month trip through south-east asia (indonesia, thailand, laos, vietnam), and one of my best mates & his girlfriend had just flown in from australia to meet me in northern thailand. we travelled together for the next 3 months. that's another story, or collection of stories, altogether; but i was just reading back over my journal from that time & fondly recalling the happy & free state of mind i was in then. part of me would love to be back there, mentally & physically; but on the other hand i've got numerous things now that i didn't have then, and that i was at that time looking forward to having someday. you know the scenario: the grass is always greener ... well, let me just say i'm so glad i got to do that stuff at that time of my life. so many people don't, or they choose not to or don't even have the werewithall to conceive of it in the first place!

speaking of travelling, i'm going to auckland, new zealand, for work on monday - it's just a quick trip: 2 nights. but it'll be a good change of scene & routine for a couple of days. talk to u when i'm back! ;-D

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notes to self:

just let go
do not try to become anything
do not make yourself into anything
grasp at nothing
resist nothing
move gracefully through the world not caught in evaluating each event
watch with equanimity
learn to see the underlying sameness of all things
peace is within oneself, to be found in the same place as agitation and suffering
empty and free
tranquility and pure awareness


i previously took these & other excerpts from a book called 'a still forest pool'. i first came across this brilliant book 9 years ago, as a result of a meeting with a fellow traveler on a royal brunei airlines flight between bandar sari baghwan & bangkok.

i've gradually lost touch with some of the above suggestions and the perspective they represent; i think it would be very good, and beneficial, to consistently appreciate & adopt this perspective

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i had a pretty good weekend. and i thought i had pretty quickly gotten over the disappointment of missing out on that job offer. but maybe not so fast ... ?
i don't know. yesterday i had a pretty big dose of the old monday-itis. and it seems to have partly carried over into today.

i'm feeling quite flat, pretty apathetic & unmotivated. i've got numerous things to do, mostly annoying little time-consuming tasks, but i can't seem to complete any of them right now. none of them seem significant or urgent enough to expend much energy upon. but they won't go away either. pretty much everything feels like a chore.

i'll get over it, i suppose. it'll pass (i hope!). whatever. here's one latest thought that's keeping me going in some way: 3 more years in this job, then i'll flick it, and send my wife back to work full-time (which she'll be happy to do by then); and i'll just not work (or at least not work full-time) for at least 6-12 months. it'll be overdue by then. i'll be a house-husband for a while. then i'll eventually do something else, probably on a different career path.

alright - i like the sound of that ... ;-D

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u know how a few psots back i said i needed to consistently remind myslef that so long as my wife, our kids & i were together & healthy, that was all that ultiamtely mattered? well yes .... i need to continue to keep that in mind, to keep that as the priority. that mantra puts things in perspective, and helps u/me to deal with, cope with, certain things; such as missing out on that job offer i was hoping for. i got the call late morning. i was quite positive, thinking my chances were at least 50%. in the end, however, they followed the quite predictable path of recruiting someone from overseas, somebody with experience in an area very close to that of the husband of a key member of the selection committee, who could help advance the work of that husband, and indeed, his wife. the person who got the offer does have more expeicne than me in ONE (not other) key aspects of the job; however my opinion is that other experience of mine was probably better ... was it a political appointment? who would ultimately admit that anyhow? it's ok - it's disappointment too -no doubt about that ... but thus far i'm dealin with it quite well, despite some disappointment & a bit of sadness, i'm already (already was befoire hearing the decision) throwing around other ideas; other alternatives. not everything about this job would have been perfect & i had a few reservations. i think a BIg attraction was the guaranteed 5-year contract; which i don't have and haven't had in a decade this career. oh well - i know i'm pretty secure in what i'm ~doing for the next 3 years, at least ...

c'est la vie! ;-D

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